Thursday, November 17, 2005

Absolute TP Program

When I think back as to what made me feel so frustrated at the so called learning program, I don’t seem to recollect one particular reason .But what I recollect very distinctly is that I was amongst the very few people who were reverse counting days. I cannot forget the day when 50 % of this program was done with. The jubilation and the feeling of being 50 % close to extrication made me feel like I was on the 7 heaven.
Coming back to my frustration, I believe it stemmed from the expectation that I had from the program itself. I should have probably been warned by my seniors that the value addition offered in terms of technical skills was zilch. Only an insomniac I believe could have successfully emerged alive and awake out of a class where the professor had more to speak about his children and wife. The misery of the situation was that I was not amongst the fortunate few to have a cleared the SE pre-test. Digesting that horror was more difficult than the inedible food at the canteen I guess .So in this situation I was obliged to listen to all the crap they had to offer interspersed with ‘Software Engineering’. Well the next test went fine and that was the only breath of fresh air other than the decent grade in the mid-term exam. Now when I talk about all what the ‘faculty’ had to offer I can’t help but remember classes of personal grooming and effective technical writing. I did not know whether to laugh cry or just turn a deaf ear as after all every session was for 1.5 hrs. I never felt more anguish ever…. The faculties were also one of a kind. They believed that just because they could name some theories they had every authority to blabber about it in the class and need I say that it was light years away from the original one and the person who had come up this theory would have sure buried himself/herself after listening to the faculty’s version. So here I was this so called ‘intractable’ female who refused to show any interest in improving her so called communication skills coz it was not something I could digest and hence believed I had every right to spit it out. I think the life skills classes were also ages away from the way things happen in life. So what was the skill all about?? Only they can answer this question and all I can say is I have no regrets about my passiveness and nonchalance in any of those classes either. In fact I think I should have been like some of my friends who without any guilt dozed off in all classes. This way I could have at least used the time in the night for doing something as substantial as reading.
Well this is not where the misery ends. The objective with which I went for the program may have been completely contrary to what it is but the deplorable living conditions just added fuel to the fire. As far the ambrosia goes I believe the Devas would have preferred the venom extracted after Samudra Manthan over it. Breaking your head against the wall was easier than voicing your opinions to the administration. Need I say that they turned a deaf ear to every plea? Now what I wonder about is that if the problems are not to be paid attention to why on earth burden the students with the onus of a zillion ‘feed-back’ forms?? After all feed back loses its significance here. Doesn’t it?
Sometimes I believe situations like this make an individual stronger cause when u feel u have faced the worst something even more flabbergasting comes along your way. I believe Hotel swapping can fall into this category of incidents. Inebriated people walking out of nowhere and the fetor of alcohol are something I may not forget but even more unforgettable was my trip to the hospital, needles from unknown doctors and all the hospital drama. I am taken aback by my own abilities of being vociferous with a senior doctor and feel even more surprised as I did not shed a single drop of tear that day. The smugness experienced out voicing my opinions here and having my own way is something I will always cherish!!!
Well this was all about the horror to be faced on the other side of the river. My side I believed was worse. I was thrown a situation where I had to interact with a humongous lot of unknown people (something which I am not extremely good at) I was learning to dine with them and learning to develop a neutral accent talking to them and watching movies with them .Despite all the ordeal I am proud to have learnt fhh stands for f*** and all the other f words I can think of. Coming back to the people, I never believed it was an amicable lot. This was probably the only time in my life that I faced a situation where groups were based on sharp regional divides. I was the only one who used to swing back and forth between the so called “north” and “south” as and when I wanted to. Though it seems opportune I never felt that it was an advantage ever. When the training was over I remember people hugging even those who they never spoke to. Weird eh??? Well somehow I believe it was s***** fake and that one can feel very strongly only for a specific set of people. I admit that I was amongst those few who cried buckets on the last night but it was only for those very few people I was close to. I need not mention names here because I know for sure that even they know who they are. I may not have been “belonging” to the group in every sense of the word and maybe I did not relate to all the issues others faced but yet in some ways I was a part of it all. I got feed back from loads of people who felt that I was kind of snobbish. I do not care more because I never believed in the idea of “making friends:” with one and all. The definition of a friend, close friend and an acquaintance are all different and the way each one of us classifies them is also different. I do it my own ways so being chirpy and “mixing” with one and all was something very difficult for me coz it was difficult to understand and so difficult to do. There are many who would believe that lambasting is not a positive way of looking at it but I guess I have every right to be bitter about things I do not appreciate. There are some close friends of mine who also call me stubborn and very negative and would re-in force this opinion after reading this but that does not change the reality .It is after all mere pretence by trying to feel and say something you do not mean .Situations like this sometimes also force me to think about my perspective of life in general. Friends who tell me my approach is negative and that I should try to enjoy all that comes along But I am still not sure whether they themselves try to do that because there is a sea of difference in being happy and feigning happiness. I believe most people tend to do the later and so I have no regrets about expressing what I feel. Though I always believe that one need not justify his/her stand about things but over a period of time I have started feeling that it gets necessary at times. This is because people never take your attitude in the spirit it was meant to be cause after all we all tend to be ‘judgmental’ about other people’s way of living !
I never regretted the decisions and the stands that I took and I have no qualms about admitting that there are a lot of people in my batch who I could not stand and still do not but I know for sure that I have made some very good friends. Friends who made me laugh every time I needed one, who helped in all my ordeals, sickness and frustration and no matter how much of a time pass this training was I will still cherish this program for these very friends. It is always said that every experience teaches u something new. This program has also taught me quite a few things but I still stick by the fact that it extremely boring and an absolute time pass program!!!