Where the mind is without fear....

In that place where mind meets mind

2009-09-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

Free verse from Chandrahas Choudhry

In that place where mind meets mind
Eyes speak to eye, and in the same breath hears
The long barred self is interwined
With one that it both needs and steers
A peace opens out and a music binds
One moment to another, and day to day
The soul runs free and all that it finds
It somehow both keeps and gives away.
Such was the place, or such the dream
That smiled, and then from me was taken
I slipped back into the common stream
My live moved on, but my faith was shaken

As I laughed

2009-09-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if it was the day or was it more the reaction from Manoharji or just the words “thaki gayi dikri ? ” but I laughed till tears welled up in my eyes. I was too engrossed to realize that everyone on the floor had heard me and was even wondering what made me crack up. This was followed by another spurt of laughter after I read an email from a client.

As I came back home and squatted on the couch I tried hard to think of a time when I laughed like that.. Uninhibited and simple... I am amazed at how the smallest remarks make you laugh like there is no tomorrow. I have no particular reason to be unhappy but I still dont laugh all that often..

Hope there are more days like this..

Optimism

2009-08-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote some days back and just felt the need to post it here..
"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

QSQT

2009-08-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

So this post has nothing to do with Aamir Khan, his movie and bollywood. In fact this post Quarter se Quarter tak (QSQT) is more to do with the fairly lousy world of commercial banking and I have been extremely unoriginal by having picked up the phrase from a colleague at work.

This is the way I believe most companies operate atleast in India and surprisingly so do banks that lend credit to them. Every quarter ending with a green along the year in green is enough for a company to drive a hard bargain for interest rates. Needless to say the stronger player in any game has a higher bargaining power! So everything around credit arrangements is confined to profit maximisation.

This reminds me of my first strategy class where I learnt the difference between profit and wealth maximization and how firms should try to work towards maximizing wealth. But the classic principal agent problem twists the situation. The CFO of a company is still an agent and unlike the principal looks at everything in the company from a short term perspective. So does the bank (very conveniently) when it lends. So at the end of the day of relationship management is neither about relationships nor about fundamentals. It is as my boss fondly says about opportunism (I love the sound to this word!) As I try to grope around in this murky world of lending at least I have figured out that no one cares what happens to the company down 3 years, the CFO met his target for the year and so did I!!!

PS: I am writing this post after a long discussion with my boss regarding how corporate banking differs in India from that in Germany. More on this topic to follow in the next post..

Outbreak

2009-08-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

Though I have not read Robin Cook in a very long time now, I admit that I used to love reading his work! Over the years I felt that though the suspense bit was something I enjoyed reading but there was something starkly unreal and the plot of the stories could never occur in real life ever.

I remember reading Outbreak many years back which dealt with the deadly Ebola virus. The H1N1 outbreak and the swine flu deaths in the country in the last few days, just reminds me of this story. Needless to say I feel amazed how sometimes reality can be so close to fiction !

Money and Self Actualization

2009-08-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

I belong to this bunch of 20 something’s who have passed out of premier B and when I say this I don’t feel ashamed to admit that we belong to another species of living beings. We toiled to get into one of these schools and then harboured aspirations to make lots of money (at least that holds true for most of us). After trying to put up with all that we could to get our dream jobs something has changed. A rich investment banker wants to do something “meaningful” with his life. The marketer wants to take his chances of rather being an entrepreneur. The entrepreneur feels lost as he is not a part of the rat race any more. The commercial banker looks forward only to the pay day and wishes something could change sometimes even unable to figure what. It is probably only this lot of people that seems to be so dissatisfied with what they are doing. I wonder what makes us so unhappy anyway?
The drivers I believe in each of these cases is the same of being the desire to earn money and yet derive meaning out of life or rather have the life that we always wanted to with all the money. I can’t think of any occupation that gives not one but both but. I only know that we can move up the Maslow’s hierarchy and the first and the last level are far apart. However I always wish I could have the two together. So it is not money vs meaning but more like money and meaning!! How I wish....

Here's one to Friendship day !

2009-08-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

I loved this quote since the first time I came across it . As I see status messages of ppl on fb and gtalk I felt like posting this one here

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked !

In praise of idleness

2009-08-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

It is a Friday evening and I am quite kicked about the approaching weekend. After a fairly nice day, I decide to come home early. As I approach my building, to my horror I realize that there is no electricity. Hoping and praying that it would come back soon, I decide to go about small chores in the house. After having eaten, used all the candles and the batteries in the torch to read newspapers I decide to take a power nap. After 2 more hrs I realize that I have killed a mosquito, played minesweeper (after the stark realization that I have no games on my phone ! ) spoken to my parents, texted my boss and even checked emails on my phone courtesy GPRS but no signs of electricity yet. As I seriously contemplate going back to work , I decide to use the last few mins of the battery charge to type this post.
Light failures at home always used to be a time to listen to childhood stories of my parents and each one was like a treasure being pulled out of a chest but as I am alone, this time is killing me. I am not sure what to do. This makes me suddenly realize that not only am I slave to technology, I feel alien to the concept of idleness. Bertrand Russell has written an essay on this topic and even criticized the education system for not inculcating this virtue. I wish I could gaze at the starry night and ponder about all the times that have gone by and all the time to come but that psyches me out completely. As I curse myself of failing to enjoy the small things in life, I realize it is time to change. Hope the realization of this fact makes me discover something about my own self if not gravity like Newton !

When a banker jokes

2009-06-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

While driving to one of the client meetings with my boss amidst hills and perfect weather I start pondering about all that I have been reading/wanting to read in the last few days. I suddenly realized that most of the fiction I read in the past was by Indian writers. Since the multi - capabilities of my boss (who btw is German) fail to surprise me anymore I ask him if he has read any Indian fiction. I hope to get a serious reply especially after he suggested to me last week that I should also try to read a little bit of history as it can be very interesting.

Suddenly he gives me an affirmative look ( I am still calculating in my head who would these authors be) and with a straight face says "RBI circulars, Analyst Reports...." and I burst out into peels of laughter. " Priyanka, you asked me for fiction and I am giving you fiction.. all by Indian authors !! "

Mumbai Revisited

2009-06-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Mumbai Revisited

So I get myself to writing a post again after what seems like light years and one more time this is not about anything profound. I finally broke the drudgery of my mundane existence by planning a trip to Mumbai last week end. Lot of plans went awry as I had to leave earlier than I had planned to, could not get to meet all the friends I wanted to and more so party hard !

Something however felt very different about my trip this time around. As soon as I set foot on the station I suddenly felt creepy with the stench and the dirt which made me realize how much this was a part of my existence during my stay there. I also had a sudden realization regarding the crowd and population of Mumbai city when I reached HardRock Café on Saturday night to find it more cramped than the Dadar station at 8 am in the morning. After the vain attempts to clamber for a drink at not one but 3 places I was realized that it was time to head home while it was still 12 am. The cloudy skies on Sunday afternoon however provided the perfect opportunity to loaf around South Mumbai on feet. The empty streets made me feel like I had been transported to a different era. Book shopping at Strand was pleasurable as usual and so was the brief stop at Hajji Ali but what I loved the most was the chai and parantha at the small stall behind TISS which transported me back to campus days.

It was probably not the perfect weekend but packed with experiences enough to stop me from cribbing for the next few days !

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING

2009-01-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

Something today made me put up this quote from one of my favourite books of all times, Nineteen Eighty Four by Orwell:

Whether he went on with the diary, or whether he did not go on with it, made no difference. The Thought Police would get him just the same. He had committed— would still have committed, even if he had never set pen to paper— the essential crime that contained all others in itself. Thought crime, they called it. Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever

Happy New Year !

2009-01-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

This is my first post of the year and I do not know what is so happy about this year. Recession has hit US and several major economies of the world, stock markets have under gone value erosion and auto companies are the in the process of being bailed out one after the other. Yet we wish each other in the hope that things would get better in the forthcoming year. Markets would bounce back and India would grow and there would be no more terror attacks and so on and so forth. I guess this satiates one of my very dear friend’s query “So what is so happy about this year ? ”. But this time around another friend asked me “What is new about this one?”. I could not really come up with an answer but as I thought about it I realized I had no answer. At the end of the year we would know about how this year was different from the previous one. So it is a mere wish.
Although I am extremely cynical about quite a few things I am an optimist when it comes to this one. So even though my new year’s eve was extremely uneventful I am hopeful of a happy and pleasant 2009. I wrote a post last year on new year’s eve about things I enjoyed on 31Dec. This time around I did nothing but hunt houses, go to work, attend a colleague’s son’s birthday and was so exhausted at the end of the day that dozed off before 12. Since my new year’s eve was mundane this post is dedicated to new year’s resolutions. We make so many of them ever year and as they say resolutions are meant to be broken, we break them too. This year I have decided to write them down so that I know where I am at the end of the next year.

1) Fitness
Have still not gotten around to exercising and getting fitter and though I started Yoga last year and as of now the status quo is that I have not exercised at all in the last few months. Try to reduce my binge for potato wafers and I really really hope I can stick to this one. Coming to think of it I alone could be contributing to a major portion of Lay’s revenues. A healthier life style could so me some good.

2) Trip alone
This has been something that I have always wanted to do for years now so this time around I hope I can go to Shillong and treat myself with the sights and sounds of east India.

3) Sleep less
With the hours that I spend sleeping these days I desperately want to stick to this resolution. Could seriously use the time for a bunch of other things.

I never really even tried making an attempt to do much about the above listed points but there are a bunch of things that I always resolve to do ever year and succeeded to an extent coz I at least make an attempt to take action. So I hope I make more attempts and hope this year is brighter and better than the last one !

Romancing Mumbai

2009-01-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

As I started to get nostalgic about leaving Mumbai I spent the last 2 weekends getting around to doing things on my “10 things to do in Mumbai” list. Although I could not manage all of them, I did manage a fair bit and needless to say feel extremely glad about the same.

1) Evening at Haji Ali followed by dinner at Gallops
The extremely popular Dargah in the midst of the ocean is a very popular tourist destination and though I have been in Mumbai many a time earlier and passed by Haji Ali too but never managed to go to the Dargah until this time around. Amidst the heavy traffic on a fairly sultry Saturday evening , I decided to get down mid way from the cab and started to walk . With the path to the Dargah filled with people selling everything from Chadars to flowers and so much more, I experienced a weird feeling as I walked towards any Dargah for the first time in my life. The place was much smaller than I had expected , quaint and noisy yet peaceful. After getting my blessings I even tied a thread and made a wish and not forget enjoy the tranquility. I had heard that the it is always better to vist the Dargah in the evenings as it is well lit up and it indeed lived up to its expectation. After coming back I even made the ceremonial visit to Haji Ali Juice center. The day ended with our last dinner at Gallops (one restaurant I had been wanting to visit in quite some time) The view of the race course and the meetha pan at the end was an icing on the cake.

2) Shopping at Crawford Market
This place couldn’t have been more crowded than it was on that sat evening or so I would like to believe but my fetish for leather bags gave me the much needed impetus to shop at crawford. After having tried my luck at every possible bag shop I finally found a bag to my liking and the one hour of ordeal ended in a moment of satisfaction. This was followed by the ceremonial visit to Badshah. Everyone who has been to Crawford knows of this place and the you cannot miss a snack at Badshah while you are here.

3) Watching a play at NCPA
Ever since I came to Mumbai, I had this desire to go and watch a play. I never managed to find company to go with me but this time around things got different . I instinctively decided to book tickets online and luckily at the vague hour in the morning Sudhir agreed to join in. So Chaos theory on Saturday evening followed by a walk along the Queen’s necklace and not to mention an ordeal to find a place on Sat evening to eat.

4) A walk around South Bombay
This is something everyone has to experience. You could start at VT station and admire the architecture of the municipality building and walk down towards Churchate and pass by Flora fountain. Causeway is something you wouldn’t miss and more so pastries at Theo Broma. The pound cake is out of the world !!! I ended my jaunt at Gateway and needless to say the whole experience was extremely fulfilling.

5) Bandra and more
As I decided to meet one of my friend’s on a Sunday evening at Bandra, we decided to grab a bite at Bascillco. This was followed by shopping at Irla market and for the ignorant ones this place is a bounty for the shopaholic women. Back to Bandra for more street shopping followed by eating Corn and enjoying the evening on Band Stand.

There are a gazillion things a gourmand wouldn’t miss like satiating their appetite with Aaram Vada Pav, Pav Bhaji at Sardar in Tardeo or Chinese at Five Spice. So much to do from walking around Herra Panna (to see what lengths women can to buy imitations of Fendi, Gucci and Calvin Klein.) , roaming around in Atria ( I owe this one to Shefali completely :P ) but something I would truly miss would probably be Worli Sea Face. Be it rain or heat day or night I spent so much time walking/ sitting on the benches there and pondering about life.

After roaming around in London alone many a time, I decided that the best thing one can do living in any city is to experience the sights and sounds of that city (and sometimes it gets better without a company ) Be it eateries, shopping or generally wandering around, there is soo much that every place has to offer. There is so much more that I wanted to do in Mumbai like going to Borivalli National Park , seeing the Prince Wales Museum and going to Elephanta but I know for sure that I would go back to Mumbai at some point in time later. So all of this and more reserved for then :)

Random Mumbling

2009-01-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

I started reading the very popular book “Shantaram” by Gregory Roberts a few days back and couldn’t help but post some quotes from the book . So here I go:
“Love is the opposite of power and that is why we fear it so much ”
“Honesty can be tested and loyalty. But there is no test for love. Love goes on forever once it begins, even if we come to hate the one we love. Love goes on forever because love is born in the part of us that does not die”
“Some truths about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them and some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you”
“When the wish and the fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare”
“The real trick in life is to not want anything and succeed at getting it”

Yeh Dil Mange More..

2009-01-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write about the virtue of “greed” (potrayed as a vice as I still recall gory images from the flick 'Seven' ) for quite some time now but it is only today that my thoughts crystallized enough to put this down on paper . As I thought about a heading for this post I couldn’t help but put this Pepsi Slogan as I believe it aptly fits the feelings expressed in this post. This slogan which was primarily meant to encourage consumerism (greater consumption of carbonated trash) is all about want for more …“greed”
The cynical attitude that most people have towards greed gets very well reflected in the below mentioned quote:
“ We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have , but rather of appreciating and recognizing what we have ” But I question happiness here. I don't quite relate to that feeling (I should thank Mint for making me a little more aware about this one : http://www.livemint.com/2009/01/02220031/The-science-of-euphoria.html )

I only relate to satisfaction and believe that satisfaction comes out of expectation. If what I have matches my expectations then I am satisfied otherwise I am not. My desire for more cannot lead me to a perennial state of disillusion but can still make me feel dissatisfied. Some very crudely put this to be " ro ro roke takiya geela karna " but I have a different stance. I don’t think there is anything wrong in wanting a whole lot of things from life. But s**** happens and yet it never stops us from dreaming or hoping or working to get what we want and aspiring more typified as “ greed” by most.
Talk about greed and we have had a lot of ranting from the new American prezzie about trying to stop the greed on wall street and take measures against the same but the only answer to this lies in what Gordon Gecko said
“Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the revolutionary spirit. Greed in all its forms-greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind.” Greed , Ladies and Gentlemen for the lack of better words is GOOD !!

Yeh hai Mumbai meri Jaan :)

2008-12-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

Now this is like the nth time that I decided that I would be a little more regular when it comes to writing/blogging so I start posting on the blog with the hope of not breaking this resolution atleast this time around.
Well this post dedicated to Mumbai because of the fondness that I developed for this city in the last few months that I have been here . During my first week in Mumbai I recall having a conversation with my mentor and a very dear friend about living in Mumbai . I was pretty indifferent to it then and I still recall he said that " this city grows on you " . I can absolutely relate to that feeling now and despite the heat and the stench and the crowd and housing woes it still has its own charm. So here I go ranting about five things that I am going to miss about Mumbai ( in no particular order ) :
1) Sea face !!
2) Hard rock Cafe!
3) Safety of being able to travel in a cab alone safely even at 1 in the nite
4) Cutting chai n Aaram vada paav
5) Book shopping in Strand and more so on the street

Man! I feel like a Woman!!!

2008-08-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

I was asked by a friend last night during a very casual conversation about what was new in my life and though I was quite eager to explain all the topsy turvy events of last week I couldn’t crib about something which I newly discovered about my own self. I suddenly felt very feminine!! This was after over 2 months of incessant shopping for something or the other and a comment by a friend who I met after almost a year.
Post campus life, I suddenly realize that it has become vital to look prim all the time something that I am so not used to. It is for this reason that I would have loved to be a boy. You walk around with a pair of blue jeans and a black/white T shirt and your done. No one objects even if you don around the same attire to a sat night party and a wedding. KISS works here the best! Unfortunately for the female species things are as diametrical as they could probably get. There is a party dress and a wedding dress and a casual dress and a cocktail dress and the list goes on and on. Separate attire to suit every occasion. No wonder women are always accused of shopping. First you buy the dresses then you buy accessories to match that and sometimes his quest runs over days because the best of a bag or a shoe or a belt would each be available in different markets. Not to forget the ohh so important jewels to match the outfit. Now most females enjoy this experience but with my very first time at all this jing bang I realize it is nothing but exhausting. How I wish it could be as uncomplicated as buying books :(
As I feel remorseful of the situation I also realize that there is no way out of it. It is a tacit rule that females are supposed to be prim and perfect all the time. All the leather matches and the hair are neatly tied and the hands and the legs and the nails are all in perfect shape. Talk about unnerving situations one would face and this definitely goes down as one. As recall my campus days, try to get rid of my sloppy dressing and try to fit into the prim corporate culture groove can’t help but hum Shania Twain’s number over and over again. Man! I suddenly so feel like a Woman!!!
PS. Thanks to a dear friend for encouraging to post more trash in the existing mélange..

Book Worm

2008-08-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

My current occupation has given me the opportunity to only meet the business heads so far and this so called networking always seems like a façade to me simply coz the meeting never seems to bring out the real people in them. As I ponder more about this whole scenario, I cherish my summer internship a great deal simply for the fact that it gave me an opportunity to meet lots of people from different walks in life. I could have a 10 min chat that would be more than sufficient many a time to bring out the queerness or the quirkiness in them. It always seemed like you were a reading a tale and then ended up becoming a passive observer yet being totally involved in the story of their life. I would initially feel very surprised at how people who had no business would want to know more about me or my background. It felt like a price I had to pay in lieu of their story. What happened on Friday evening was however very different.

I got out of office a little early and happened to look at the collection of books piled on the pavement. It has almost become a ritual for give a fleeting glance to the stack as I pass by the street mostly during lunch time. But this time around I happened to spot a book I had been intending to read in a long time now. After innumerable efforts to find the book on the roadside my efforts finally paid off and it is very hard to express the extreme sense of joy that I experienced. So I asked the book seller to hand me the copy to check whether the print etc was ok and the time came to negotiate the price. He sharply quoted it at 60 bucks. I thought that the price was reasonable but still decided to give haggling a try and asked him to settle the deal in 50 bucks. To my surprise, he almost snatched the book out of my hand and refused to take any less. I was stupefied at the fact that he promptly shot back in English saying: “Madam it is too less a price for this book”. He seemed to be in no hurry to sell the book. As I bought the book from him, he made me re aware of the fact that the book cost 10 times more in the adjacent shop and that it was not possible for everyone to afford that kind of price. The sole reason for him being in this business despite the raids was his love for reading and the absolute delight he saw on people’s faces when they could read all that they wanted at this cost. It couldn’t get more candid.

As I started gazing at the other books he could not help but mention how in his opinion Rushdie’s Midnight Children was one of the most beautiful books ever written. I refuse to believe that it was just a way to sell another copy because I could not miss the twinkle in his eye while he was ranting praises for the book, something which was reserved just for Rushdie’s piece of work and non other. Everything he said was clear and crisp like it echoed the truth all the way through. As I tried to probe more about his past, surprisingly he asked me nothing in return and did not even bother selling/recommending any book. Guess he found nirvana in simply selling books !

Comfortably Numb

2008-05-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

Recently I had the opportunity of reading Saucerful of Secrets which is Schaffner's account of the Pink Floyd odyssey and being a Floyd fan I completely relished the book. There is this one statement which lingered around in my head and I felt like I completely related to it so couldn't help but it post it here..

" Yes it does feel wonderful for a month or something and then you begin to start coping with [the realization] that it's not going to make any difference really to how you feel about anything and - it doesn't work. It doesn't mean changes. If you're happy person you were before and you will be afterwards- and if you're not, you weren't before and you won't be afterwards. And that kind of thing doesn't make a blind bit difference to how you feel about anything. But even though you know that, it still takes you a long time to assimilate it. " - Roger Waters post Dark side of the Moon.

Private celebrities

2008-04-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

It has been long that I posted something but now that the entire b school jing bang is done I have had sometime to get back to be doing my regular rambling :P The idea to write this post comes from a TV show. It just so happened that in all this spare time I was randomly channel surfing and came to a halt when there was some discussion happening about the pros and cons of social networking. It got me thinking about the time when I first logged in on Orkut. It was more than 4 years back and I remember being sent an invite only to realize that none of my friends knew about the concept except the one who sent me the invite!!! I wondered then as to where the social aspect comes from. Well the sho sha grew and now almost everyone I know has a profile on this forum. I even bumped into friends from class 2 who were not in touch all this while.

So the idea that lingered along after this 10 min thingie that I watched on television was not about the pros and cons but the changes these sites have witnessed. It seems as if there has been a sudden desire to express oneself to the world at large or probably the desire was present but it has just been given a platform. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that a classmate gets bumps when his female friend changes her relationship status or the fact that the people upload the party pics from the previous nite. The desire to tell the world at large...

I logged into Orkut today only to realize that one can add applications and we know who is aping facebook. One of the conclusions that I came to was the fact that these platforms probably try to make a celebrity out of all of us which we probably already crave to be and that is why the popularity apart from the obvious networking aspect. So everything from what I read, listen to and how I party is all up there for everyone to witness. How I wish I learnt OB a little better I could have sure come up with some theory to back that up. So while I try to reproach all this innovation and demean the cow and sheep throwing, I am still pondering about Rajat Kapur’s question: Where does this all lead to?

Stuck in a moment..

2008-01-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

I may not be the biggest fan of U2 but there are some songs by the band which I cant seem to stop listening to. Cant help but acknowledge the fact that there are indelible sentiments which have gotten associated with melodies sung in Bono's soulful voice. Here go my favourite lines from amongst the many U2 melodies...

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

Starting of a brand new year

2007-12-31T11:34:00.000-08:00

Here go the 5 things which make this new yrs eve memorable ..

1) Jalebi like sweet macroni in 9 Lounge causing zilch tip to be paid to the waiter ;)
2) Santa dancing to Daler Mehndi numbers :-0
3) Being with friends on new yrs eve after quite some time :D
4) Out on the roads for the first time to watch fireworks :)
5) Coming back home before 1 :(

Purposeless

2007-07-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

It is a new semester and a new time so I do pay fair amount of attention to what goes on in classes these days. I remember doing a case study in the first strategy class on Madonna who wanted to be a diva and everything in her life was to help her get closer to that one overarching goal- being a DIVA. And then the professor asked.. “What is your goal in life??? “ To my dismay I realized I had none.

I remember having pondered about this many a times earlier as well. What is it that I really want to do?? It is about a purpose in life. Being in a B school this is equated to probably a good placement but what it is after a placement is the question. A big job, a family, children, professional accomplishment.. Doesnt it have to lead to something bigger ??? The placement is the means but where is the end? And if there are means but no end where is the strategy coz like the prof says.. Strategy is all about means and ends!!!

It is like being everyone else. The job gets us money to survive and raise our families. Some earn more and some earn less. But then what is the purpose of my existence? As I try to think harder and seek answers to my questions.. I hope the quest ends somewhere…..

Bhartiya rail mein aapka swagat hai

2007-06-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Err!!! I think this is what I heard when I was welcomed during my low cost ‘no frill’ air trip from Bangalore to Ahmedabad. Despite having been on the airport well before time I was to board the craft while the last call was being announced and I guess my book helped me immerse a great deal in the mélange of the airport hustle to have missed the prior announcements. Also not to forget the last minute boarding calls for Mr Batra who I guess never boarded his Kingfisher flight.

After having boarded the flight, I realized my misfortune of having gotten a corner seat and the gujju Uncle (sitting adjacent to me) asking the hostess for chocolates was not too much of a succor either. Paise leke chocolate nahi dete ??? kyun nahi dete ??? I could have literally shrieked after the long day … I even bothered to check my bags for some mint or anything to shut him up and the kid crying two rows ahead. No wonder kiddies manage to have a way their parents.

And if you thought this was all, well the ordeal did not end here. Adding fuel to the fire was this very uncle’s urge to go to the loo and I swore to myself that if he woke me up once more I would just swap sweats. So now that I couldn’t read or sleep in the 2 hr flight all I could do was watch the couple in the adjacent row which also got boring after a point in time as the female couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of me staring ..

As the flight landed amongst more wailing I suddenly realized how I liked my train trips more than this one and only wished Bangalore was a little closer….Never in my wildest of dreams had thought that even rail sewa could be alluring…

Lost Forever ???

2007-06-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

I thought about writing this post after having read one hundred years of solitude considered to be the master piece for which Gabriel Garcia Marquez won the noble prize too but I have never been able to comprehend what the fuss is all about!!! Anyways after having picked up the book and read a few pages I came across things like gypsies flying in carpets and children being born with a pig tail(in the story) which left me bemused. I felt I could just not fathom something of this order but then the very next moment my memories drifted away to my childhood favourite Enid Blyton series. I suddenly remembered how I cherished reading about the candy lands and the toy trains made of chocolate. I fondly recollected all the times when I used to sit with these books under the dining table coz I enjoyed the coziness of such nooks and corners of the house. As I waddled back to the present I realized how things have changed. Something that I enjoyed even ten years back has become difficult to digest now. As I emerged from a dream like state after reading the novel, a sudden realization of how I lost my dewey eyed self in the process of what we call maturing!!!

IF

2007-04-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Maine dil se kaha dhund lana khushi....

2007-04-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

It is said that even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. So I decided to put down 5 odd things which made me surprisingly glad in the last 5 days

1) A hindi radio station being played in the bus and me enjoying the same despite a rickety one hour ride simply because it is the first day I realize that there do exist people in the city who enjoy songs which are not in Kannada :P
2) Having roamed around practically the whole of Bangalore in 25 Rs…
3) Walking into a pub only to realize Knopfler being played making me reminiscent of times spent with a close friend
4) Picking up books from the roadside after a looong day at work
5) A looong lunch with a friend on a lazy sat afternoon

So as this week ends and a new one knocks on the door.. my quest continues….

Buttermilk at a bar!!!

2007-04-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today was historical of sorts because I have never visited a bar in my life and here I was visiting the shadiest bars in the city. The only equally dingy place that I have ever been to is probably the railway platform but heck such bars contribute to huge volumes for the company so who cares how it is. Something by the name of Arun Bar if I am not mistaken, a nondescript place in the midst of South Bangalore. I walk in tying not to stare at the people yet absorb everything possible about the place. The ASM thinks we need to have visibility at such a place so I am a part of a discussion where in I don’t comprehend anything because it is in Kannada but still try to gather bits and pieces. The discussion progresses and I am offered a glass of buttermilk in a glass of 8 pm and as I stare at my drink ;-) I wonder whether things could be more ironical. As I ponder about the cleanliness of the glass yet start having the buttermilk, I realize probably the tastiest buttermilk I ever had .So while people ask me what I drank during my first field visit, pat comes my reply… BUTTERMILK !!!

Some old.. Some new....

2007-04-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

With Yellow Ledbetter crooning in my ears, a fine reading light alleviating the darkness of the room, and my data card playing games, the atmosphere seems perfect to pen something down. It has been some days since I wrote something and though there was a constant urge to write, I could just not gather around ideas to put something down. A friend of mine tells me that ideas are those little bubbles which keep floating around and we need to chase them before they die, so after a gap of more than 6 months I decide to hunt a few of the bubbles down.

After the battering from ten days of trauma named examinations, I recoup by crashing and then rejuvenating myself with some new music. Good music I believe can stir your soul so I reserve this post for the songs I heard for the first time in the last few days and they hogged the limelight on my playlist.

Alive: - Tops my list of picks and one song I wouldn’t mind waking up to and listening to again and again any time of the day. Pleasurable strumming and Pearl Jam gets all brownie points for this one.

Silence and I: - Something that made me recollect all the times that I wanted to be left to let my silences converse with me. Orchestration being the highlights, one song which strangely reminds me of Mozart.

Vienna: - Billy Joel at his regular best and something one can relate to so may times. Soft slow and as mellifluous as it could get.

While the oldies by GnR, Floyd and Clapton envy the new entrants, I look forward to more numbers to give these new ones some competition.....

Post Independence Day..

2006-09-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

Now the sudden desire to post something on the blog arose as a friend of mine commented about me not posting regularly. I believe nothing more ironic than the fact that I stopped posting on my blog after the 15 Aug. All the freedom just lasted till the Independence Day, post which I am back to an era where I don’t think or at least so I believe. (Don’t ask me the difference between think, believe and perceive because even after 2 classes of HR I have really not understood the difference) I suddenly feel that I have lost the urge to write. Probably there is a lot to write about yet nothing worth mentioning. What is there to write about running in a rat race where I don’t know where I am heading so long as I am in the race? I am not sure whether I have an aim in my mind but I know that a lot of people are running and I gotta run too lest I be left behind. Mindlessly chasing a task after the other I guess I have become comfortably numb. And as far as freedom goes, who kis khet ki muli hai bhai ??

Jaldi Karo Alvida Ab

2006-08-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

Bright fine "Monday" holiday so no blues and after having spent the whole day shopping n eating I decide to go to the most talked about and waited movie of the season.. Things I will always remember about this movie:-

1) How it feels to get bugged by your friends for having chosen the crappiest movie of the season and spent 130 bucks for the same.
2) How it feels to watch another ‘A’ rated movie with an all guys gang! (I still remember ‘Ek khiladi Ek Hasina’ with 9 guys just 2 days before CAT 2005)
3) How it feels to be having amnesia because of having forgotten the first half of the movie after 3.5 hrs of saga.
4) How it feels to sit on the 3 row from the front because of unavailability of tickets despite 14 shows of the same movie running in the theater.
5) How it feels to write a blog about the experience without using a single abuse!!!

Cause is greater than u????

2006-08-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

There are many incomprehensible situations that we come across on a frequent basis and then there are some others which seem comprehensible yet do not make sense in the head. Adam Smith had mentioned about the good of every individual in any situation and then Prof John Nash professed saying things work well when it is does individual good as well good to the entire community. Now what if things work well for the collective good but not for the individual good?? If the community benefits on the whole can be it safely presumed that since the individual is a part of the community hence he is being benefited in the process??

I believe I was a part of many such incidents in the past few days which I suppose probably work well for the common good but I am not sure individual good. Subjecting myself to agony because it is for a greater cause and the cause is bigger than me. It is sin to think of devious ways to avert being a part of processes like this. These processes could be inane at least from my perspective but I am not sure whether I can stand forth strongly to refute the purpose of the same. What I cannot seem to digest is the fact that there are people who are probably like me and managing to get their way out without any guilt. I am not sure whether I am not being bold enough to voice my opinions for getting my way through them or simply feeling guilty about escaping from what involves being a part of the “greater good” but who cares when I am still here doing something I am not happy about. It is fine Sunday afternoon and I am cooped up inside this room where the air conditioner is the only respite.

I can now sense the voice of my senior voice saying “SHUT UP” reverberating in my ears so will stop but just one question is echoing in my head, what is to be shut up....my mouth or my mind ???

Someday...

2006-07-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

The sky is pouring its heart out and the shade is the only respite.. but who cares about being wet. Cigarette fumes fused with vapour of hot tea making one indistinguishable from the other. Reticence peaks as another day at college ends. A paratha here and an omlette there and we can see all that is there on one's plate but who knows what is on the other's mind . Too many thoughts clogging the brain one amongst them probably being where one is heading to. Good old mirchi's tunes sound distant as the rustle of the leaves and pitter-patter of the rain takes foreground .NO gyan and no global...Realization of a sense of serenity amidst all the chaos and a hope for more moments like this....

StingSoc at work........

2006-07-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the club ….

We are not looking at any numbers here and everyone from the junior batch gets a PPO from this society.

Ulterior Objectives

Speculating, gossiping and generally bitching.

Criteria for entry

No special skill set except the initiative drive and enthusiasm of a sting reporter and the will to speculate.
Need to have an orkut account with the “hot” and “happening” crowd in your friend’s list with orkutting being your major pass time.
Need to have elephant ears for eve’s dropping and a camera phone is more than welcome.

New Activities

Launch of OPERATION SPY.

Modus Operandi

Checking out scraps of junior-senior junta and the conversations they have and not to forget speculating about the same all day long.
Taking snaps of the oh so precious moments which include people napping, smoking, drinking and doing anything conventionally unpopular.
Keeping your ears wide open especially in the loo.

Incentives

Your oomph quotient would beat the bulls of the sensex and popularity would rocket sky high.

So if you think u fit the slot, rush in your applications now to crazyspies@stingsoc.com

(P.S Thanks to Ankushfor the name StingSoc)

Lebensraum

2006-06-13T04:22:00.000-07:00

I came across this word for the first time while reading a friends blog and it means “Space sought for occupation by a nation whose population is expanding” But the space I refer to is that on the web which takes absolutely no investment and so we are exploiting it to the fullest. The fattest chunk of this space I believe is being occupied by blogs. I suddenly realized today that the no of my friends who blog has risen to mammoth proportions and in a blink of a second (no references to the book attached) I can think of 5 friends who blog pretty regularly. Some of them even have 2 blogs!!!. So we have budding poets to the philosophically and spiritually inclined to the ramblers like me expressing their opinions about anything and everything under the sun. Unlike the extremely profound blogs which talk about Indian economics to changing business scenarios or tech stuff these relate to the simple incidents of our day to day lives, ideas opinions and beliefs. They express everything from our reveries to questions whose answers we seek. Even though some of my other friends complain about blogging of this kind being a shear waste of time I believe blogs work like threads constricting pearls. We somewhere down the line become a part of the lives of those people whose blogs we regularly read and post comments about. It is a sense of belongingness and interconnectedness. So as the unplumbed souls kvetch the fondness for blogging grows and so does the community!

And who says its child’s play??

2006-06-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

“Oh How should I pick up the axe and hey how can I beat him with this chair no wait I want to climb up the cell and push him down” No worries these were not the mega efforts of a wife trying to beat up her husband ;-) but my efforts to use the play station. As my butter fingers moved on the controls I was asking my sister how to play and trying to beat my tiny 12 yr old cousin at a game whose name I don’t even know. I am not into gaming and never really was but it was only one of these days that I realized how oblivious I was about the gen next games. So this time I had this same very tiny cousin of mine educating me about x-boxes and play stations and gameboys and more. From all the newer versions of games available in the market to their costs and the expansions pack and not to forget the compatibility with the graphics card and ram etc, I sat dazzled at his profound knowledge. May be that was way too much market research that I expected outta him.
Well we often on hear about the advent of technology but I never really realized how far ahead games have moved. I remember when I was 12 video games were very popular and almost everyone kid wanted to have them. Now a computer has found its place in every household so we have progressed from the accessories which were hooked to the television sets to the ones hooked to the computer. It is the age of network gaming now. But I am still inept at playing all these games and as I struggle to play Prince of Persia till date I feel smug at having learnt to play the brick game at least!!!

One day.....

2006-06-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

I waited eagerly and desperately for this day and it felt like a real long wait indeed. But maybe as Einstein said “Everything is relative” and so this tenure seemed much longer than it really was. When the d day arrived it felt as if someone opened the door to a bird’s cage to let it fly real high. I have lost count of the number of times I shouted “I am free…………” If I would have written this piece 5 days back I feel it would have had a stronger resonance of elation to it but maybe it was the incredulity of the event that stopped me from writing and I preferred to spend the nite listening to “I have a dream “and “Tryst with destiny” Nehru’s words “A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance.” seemed to make more sense than ever and maybe I realized what people in this country felt they got “independence”.
Russell said “Freedom in general may be defined as the absence of obstacles to the realization of desires” and I seem to live this freedom everyday!!! It is not the conspicuous absence of accountability that is elevating but the absence of authority, prying and dominance from my life sure seem like a whiff of fresh air. I could compare it to the jubilation of getting soaked in the first rains or watching the sun dawn but the truth is that the feeling of extrication is ineffable. So as I bask in the glory of my “independence” and feel the indescribable, I say to myself….

So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

What if God was one of us?

2006-05-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

I have always pondered about this question and somewhere down the line I have started to believe that there seem to be no concrete answers available at hand or just that I would prefer to tread the middle line and take neither side. I am amongst those many people who visit temples or pray occasionally because that is what I have been taught or just that I don’t seem to have the will to defy the beliefs imparted to me no matter how second handed they maybe or maybe because it is simpler than arguing with my parents. I am really not sure which one of all these reasons it is but as a friend of mine puts it I just go ahead as per my ‘convenience’.

Talking about God I think the concept came into being when man could not explain a whole many forces of nature and all this unexplained was attributed to some superior force and despite the fact that we have revolutionized the world now yet the myth that man plays puppet at the hands of this superior force is something millions of us live by even today. Maybe that is why Orwell said that “Myths which are believed in tend to come true” It is this so called “truth” that reverberates in the teachings of religious leaders who seem to rant about the existence of God and his message. This “truth” maybe gives us the confidence to live the life we do. A belief that someone from up above has his hands upon our heads. Someone whose powers we can seek refuge in during all those tough times. But as Joan Osborn sang

What if God was one of us?

Just a slob like one of us

Just a stranger on the bus

Tryin' to make his way home….

Mother's Day hug

2006-05-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

This is how we go............

2006-05-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

“Here I go … being a star again.. Here I go turn that page”

I believe this line is being sung by the big chiefs of all those software companies or slog shops after having made huge money along with the stupendous success charted by their company at the bourses underpinned by the growing markets and flourishing economy. Needless to say they are luxuriating and basking in the glory of the sweat of all those slaves.

Of the very little that I know about management I sense that amongst the 3 Ps it is always people product and price and when this hierarchy reverses what we is these software companies and despite this irrational behavior these companies thrive and flourish. The pill of Vitamin M has been shown to the youth who work in these places and though the dosage does not substantiate the amount of work or the strain that comes along but after all the buck being viewed in the absolute sense seems to be huge. Other than that people are lured towards the desire to be at big apple or the big Ben and so the slogging continues. Most of the times though they may end up with a big egg on their face for having worked with a set of over fatigued souls and delivered an “unviable” solution but the dreams to make it are still alive and kicking. Also the pill of M keeps coming along so it seems “OK”. Then there is the brand associated to the company which it got after sucking all the remaining ounces of blood from people’s body and replacing it with the coffee from the big old stinky machine and helped people develop a paunch 10 yrs down the line after they slogged their asses off by sticking to their seat 24*7 and celebrating their children’s birthday and their anniversary parties with their “team”. The latter case arises if they are tolerant enough to stick along for 10 whole long years. After the sparse promotions and a few odd trips to here and there and a higher dosage of the vitamin they are all set now to throw eggs on the face of the new lot and sing

“I used to lover her but I had to kill her

I had to put her Six feet under and

I can still hear her complain “

Drama- The face of new reality television

2006-05-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

What is drama but life with the dull bits cut out.

Alfred Hitchcock said this when Indian reality TV was non-existent!!I believe it is turning out to be a paradox with reality TV pumping in more drama than reality. Well I still don’t get the concept of reality television and do not know how it actually started but I know for sure that every 3 show that we have today other than the sans bahu sagas are these game shows and reality shows. Some are like old wine in a new bottle and quite a few others seem to be authentic to our desi channels. Well aping is not something very new to us so we have had our own version of songs like Macarena and shows like FearFactor, KBC and Indian Idol. We also have others like the new show called Heartbeat that I got around to watching tonight So we had an anxious hyper n extremely tensed cricket player playing for some x lakh rupees with all the help under the sun available to him including our dear own googlva. But seems this man is so scared as if he is been thrown to the edge of the cliff to die or something After the entire ordeal of questions is over this respectable gentleman cries on national television after winning the money. I do not remember how many times he thanked Jesus and yes forced a friend to say some lines (I do not know out of where) before locking in the final answer and to top it all in a very Miss India still did not forget to thank his friends and family and cat n dog n blah n blah (as if the cry was not enough!!!) So here we have action, drama, emotion and yes the baap of all -booming TRP’s!! So whether u wail, dance or get bored to death it seems all about drama and nothing about reality!!!

Food for thought ????

2006-05-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Treading the line between being a donkey and a man

Lost Identity !

2006-05-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

I could very much regard myself being oblivious to a lot of people at my workplace. One reason being that I am like any other in the bunch of ASE-Trainees who work for this place and the other being the fact that I have not really done anything so very substantial that people would begin to know me. Having fought with quite a few people in the top brass I do expect them to know me though for all the wrong reasons. But other than them I would very much expect a whole bunch of people to recognize me even when I am in the groggiest and foggiest of states. This lot includes my parents, close friends and some relatively unknown people like the company guard. Having witnessed people going home after working for 12 hrs or more at times I guess he always has the last laugh. But surprisingly enough these days he asks for our identity card. For months together this very guy has witnessed us walk in and out at the oddest hours of the office so I always wonder what is the point of asking an identity when u know who I am .Now it may be that he suffers from some form of memory loss or his memory gets erased every morning or well maybe one of those mundane company polices which never make sense. It would not have been so much of a pain if I did not have to walk around with a big blue band around my neck all the time. Then there would be those prospective credit card sellers coming in the afternoon if u forgot to remove the card while heading to the nearest chaiwala and more than that it would make the whole word know how proud u are working for this place. Well anyways since I always fall into the class of people who flout rules here I receive an official mail which almost threatens me to wear my I-card and again a reminder of the fact that I would be causing myself an embarrassment in the morning if I am not doing the same. Wish I could be turned back home by the guard saying--"Madam hum to jaante nahi aap kaun hain " I wish my identity would get lost in his memory forever and I would never have to report to work again.

Now u can shout...

2006-05-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well my blog has a shoutbox for all the junta to voice their opnions... So keep shouting !!!!!

All in the name of breaking news

2006-04-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

A wailing wife, a despondent father, oblivious children and a ray of hope that he would survive. As I woke up early this morning and turned on the television these were the images which flashed before my eyes and I almost felt as if ice cold water had been splashed on my face. This is the story of the Indian engineer who was kidnapped in Taliban day before. To the TV media this was yet another story and once again they treaded the fine line between humane and the news aspect of this story. As Mr Shyam Saran expressed his concerns along with confirming the news of the death of this man, the news channels flashed images of a shattered family. Pain, agony suffering, I believe once again served as a gourmet for the hungry media. It clearly indicates how television news seems to have acquired a new face of invasion.

We as consumers in India today have been witnesses to a tremendous upsurge in the television industry. The spate in the no of news channels I believe has been bolstered by this growth in the television industry. It is hard to keep count of the number of news channels today and over a period of very short span time they have grown pretty much like the population of our country. With these channels and news being available 24*7 things have become very convenient and I am sure if my grandfather were alive today he would have loved this concept cause then he would not have to wait for the 9’0 clock news. The instant or breaking news delivered to us right from the oven can be appreciated in the conventional sense because it keeps us abreast with the latest and hence is a feather on the cap of instant communication and collaboration. The appreciation for these channels which keep us informed round the clock may also be attributed to the way they have brought people together during national calamities and have redeemed a whole lot of people from their state of alienation or misery. Whether it is the earthquake or the tsunami or the Jessica Lal case or that of compensation issues of retired army officers, they have risen to the occasion and in ways more than one rendered a helping hand. Most of this however can be easily shrugged off as the presumed responsibilities of this media and I believe that the biggest paradox lies in the fact that all what seems humanitarian in most cases is just another story for them. There is a very fine line between what needs to be covered and what is to be spared and most of the times they tread this line. Why is there a need to flash images of a weeping mother or a shattered family ?? The apathy of the Indian government is evidently seen in their attitude and what is lost cannot be brought back. All I feel like saying is “for Christ sake leave the family alone and let them grieve in peace” Bringing in 4 flashing camers into their house cannot be justified in the name of breaking news, reality or even humanity.

Last Day

2006-03-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

One Last Good Morning wish
One Last lunch
One Last joke
One Last day to use office mail
One Last chat with friends
One Last Good Bye
One Last Day at Office

Found u !

2006-03-28T02:06:00.000-08:00

As I am singing "I still haven't found what I am looking for..." a question from a friend changes it all . He asked me the meanings of 'foo' and 'bar' and I am struck sense by a sudden sense of guilt of not having bothered to know the significance of these terms despite having come across these n times. My sense of enquiry beckons me to look it up it on the god of all engines "Google" and a wiki link brings about the revelation. I think nothing else can describe what I feel at this point of time. The mist of oblivion has been cleared by the light of awareness. It is the excitement that a child feels when he manages to join all the dots and there is a complete picture staring right back at his little eyes after his tiny hands meticulously worked to put it all together. It is the same verve and enthusiasm cause now I have the word that I was looking for....Lucid yet crisp and that conveys it all .. FUBAR

Back to blogging

2006-03-27T04:58:00.000-08:00

The floating theme is inspired by Sudarshan's blog.I simply loved it....So here I go with a floating theme blogging all over again!

Dissent

2006-03-27T03:06:00.000-08:00

I stood there accused and blamed... I did not know my crime then.... Dissent against authority is probably punishable and maybe I am paying a price for my beliefs today .But as I walk on the fineline between right and wrong I wonder what it all means and how much I care for all of this. As I stand on the brink of extrication I believe it was quite worth the price. I defended myself despite the announcement of the verdict and regret it at this hour more than anything. Maybe silence is the best defense at times like this cause I believe my actions were right. But the verdict was there gaping at me like a shameless ape...A stark reminder of my decisions and more than that the traditions here. Etched on my mind these memories may linger for some time but hope the bad flavor in my mouth goes away soon.

Perfect Sunday !

2006-03-27T02:58:00.000-08:00

I think I always blame myself for having a lousy week-ends but this one was different.After many mundane week-ends I had an almost prefect one yesterday. I did loads of things in one day and this is what a lazy n relaxing week-end can get close to.I went to the British Library which is a perfect get-away from all places particularly my office(the proximity being one of the biggest bonuses) n then visited Crossword after months together. It is another place I like to be when I get into the mood of blowing off money or investing should I say. But before this I ate pakodas for lunch and above n beyond all dollops of rich chocolate ice-cream. It couldn't have been better. The Sunday got even better with a nice movie and chit chatting with friends and not to forget pastries. Listening to Metallica after days together and then chit chatting again on gtalk..A stark re-realization of the fact that I can be a very big chatterbox . Eating bundi raita and watching 'Desperate Housewives' . It doesn't get any better. The best bit being an 11:30 call and half an hour of simmering hot gossip right from the tawa or should I say a good friend . If my week-end was like an ice-cream this gossip was chocolate syrup for sure. A little reading and lot of sleeping. It was indeed a perfect Sunday !!!!

Everything has a reason...

2006-03-27T02:55:00.000-08:00

I have always pondered about this pithy and wondered whether there was anything more to it than a sheer dash of optimism. I always believe misery exists in the form of vicious circles and breaking out of it seems the most formidable task at hand. Despair and agony seem to be just rings clung around to a never ending chain.But when things which make one happy begin to turn up it is almost seems like the first downpour of the season. There is freshness and exuberance associated to it. It is like experiencing the pleasure and exhilaration of running on the empty roads in the rains and nothing at one's end but the intoxicating fragrance of the rain soaked earth.The relief felt is like that given by the first droplets to the earth parched by the scorching heat hanging in there just to quench it thirst. This happiness I guess is also accompanied by a stark realization of the fact that those incidents of the past maybe were just to teach one something new This is when all the pain that one goes through begins to make sense . Burning one's hand seems painful but maybe the best lessons are learnt like this.There is some positive facet to every event and trying to see the pros of everything gives the realization of how it does good. So apart from imbuing more optimism it also gives a sense of objectivity to look at every situation. The happiness washes away the misery of pain and gives the courage to face more hence as one finds reasons to celebrate when one is happy I think just believing that 'everything has a reason' gives more hope to just hang in there and wait for a fresh spell !

Where the mind is without fear

2006-03-27T02:47:00.000-08:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-Gitanjali

Chaos

2005-12-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

In plain words, Chaos was the law of nature Order was the dream of man.

Absolute TP Program

2005-11-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

When I think back as to what made me feel so frustrated at the so called learning program, I don’t seem to recollect one particular reason .But what I recollect very distinctly is that I was amongst the very few people who were reverse counting days. I cannot forget the day when 50 % of this program was done with. The jubilation and the feeling of being 50 % close to extrication made me feel like I was on the 7 heaven.
Coming back to my frustration, I believe it stemmed from the expectation that I had from the program itself. I should have probably been warned by my seniors that the value addition offered in terms of technical skills was zilch. Only an insomniac I believe could have successfully emerged alive and awake out of a class where the professor had more to speak about his children and wife. The misery of the situation was that I was not amongst the fortunate few to have a cleared the SE pre-test. Digesting that horror was more difficult than the inedible food at the canteen I guess .So in this situation I was obliged to listen to all the crap they had to offer interspersed with ‘Software Engineering’. Well the next test went fine and that was the only breath of fresh air other than the decent grade in the mid-term exam. Now when I talk about all what the ‘faculty’ had to offer I can’t help but remember classes of personal grooming and effective technical writing. I did not know whether to laugh cry or just turn a deaf ear as after all every session was for 1.5 hrs. I never felt more anguish ever…. The faculties were also one of a kind. They believed that just because they could name some theories they had every authority to blabber about it in the class and need I say that it was light years away from the original one and the person who had come up this theory would have sure buried himself/herself after listening to the faculty’s version. So here I was this so called ‘intractable’ female who refused to show any interest in improving her so called communication skills coz it was not something I could digest and hence believed I had every right to spit it out. I think the life skills classes were also ages away from the way things happen in life. So what was the skill all about?? Only they can answer this question and all I can say is I have no regrets about my passiveness and nonchalance in any of those classes either. In fact I think I should have been like some of my friends who without any guilt dozed off in all classes. This way I could have at least used the time in the night for doing something as substantial as reading.
Well this is not where the misery ends. The objective with which I went for the program may have been completely contrary to what it is but the deplorable living conditions just added fuel to the fire. As far the ambrosia goes I believe the Devas would have preferred the venom extracted after Samudra Manthan over it. Breaking your head against the wall was easier than voicing your opinions to the administration. Need I say that they turned a deaf ear to every plea? Now what I wonder about is that if the problems are not to be paid attention to why on earth burden the students with the onus of a zillion ‘feed-back’ forms?? After all feed back loses its significance here. Doesn’t it?
Sometimes I believe situations like this make an individual stronger cause when u feel u have faced the worst something even more flabbergasting comes along your way. I believe Hotel swapping can fall into this category of incidents. Inebriated people walking out of nowhere and the fetor of alcohol are something I may not forget but even more unforgettable was my trip to the hospital, needles from unknown doctors and all the hospital drama. I am taken aback by my own abilities of being vociferous with a senior doctor and feel even more surprised as I did not shed a single drop of tear that day. The smugness experienced out voicing my opinions here and having my own way is something I will always cherish!!!
Well this was all about the horror to be faced on the other side of the river. My side I believed was worse. I was thrown a situation where I had to interact with a humongous lot of unknown people (something which I am not extremely good at) I was learning to dine with them and learning to develop a neutral accent talking to them and watching movies with them .Despite all the ordeal I am proud to have learnt fhh stands for f*** and all the other f words I can think of. Coming back to the people, I never believed it was an amicable lot. This was probably the only time in my life that I faced a situation where groups were based on sharp regional divides. I was the only one who used to swing back and forth between the so called “north” and “south” as and when I wanted to. Though it seems opportune I never felt that it was an advantage ever. When the training was over I remember people hugging even those who they never spoke to. Weird eh??? Well somehow I believe it was s***** fake and that one can feel very strongly only for a specific set of people. I admit that I was amongst those few who cried buckets on the last night but it was only for those very few people I was close to. I need not mention names here because I know for sure that even they know who they are. I may not have been “belonging” to the group in every sense of the word and maybe I did not relate to all the issues others faced but yet in some ways I was a part of it all. I got feed back from loads of people who felt that I was kind of snobbish. I do not care more because I never believed in the idea of “making friends:” with one and all. The definition of a friend, close friend and an acquaintance are all different and the way each one of us classifies them is also different. I do it my own ways so being chirpy and “mixing” with one and all was something very difficult for me coz it was difficult to understand and so difficult to do. There are many who would believe that lambasting is not a positive way of looking at it but I guess I have every right to be bitter about things I do not appreciate. There are some close friends of mine who also call me stubborn and very negative and would re-in force this opinion after reading this but that does not change the reality .It is after all mere pretence by trying to feel and say something you do not mean .Situations like this sometimes also force me to think about my perspective of life in general. Friends who tell me my approach is negative and that I should try to enjoy all that comes along But I am still not sure whether they themselves try to do that because there is a sea of difference in being happy and feigning happiness. I believe most people tend to do the later and so I have no regrets about expressing what I feel. Though I always believe that one need not justify his/her stand about things but over a period of time I have started feeling that it gets necessary at times. This is because people never take your attitude in the spirit it was meant to be cause after all we all tend to be ‘judgmental’ about other people’s way of living !
I never regretted the decisions and the stands that I took and I have no qualms about admitting that there are a lot of people in my batch who I could not stand and still do not but I know for sure that I have made some very good friends. Friends who made me laugh every time I needed one, who helped in all my ordeals, sickness and frustration and no matter how much of a time pass this training was I will still cherish this program for these very friends. It is always said that every experience teaches u something new. This program has also taught me quite a few things but I still stick by the fact that it extremely boring and an absolute time pass program!!!

The revelry stretches way beyond 9 nites...

2005-10-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

I just realized that in my stay in this city for eons now...for the past five yrs i have not gone out to play garba during navratri. It is a festival associated with fun, color,latest trends n most of an all an exuberant spirit. Tonite i broke the spell on my own n visited one of the garba grnds in the city. Being the last nite of festivities this year the verve and the excitement of the crowd was at its peak.
As I managed to get passes on the last moment i was fortunate enough to find myself a place amongst the crowd. Maybe the only female in a non-traditional costume I think i stood out in the group more because of my 2 left feet than the casual attire i had worn.The ease with which ppl lift their hands n legs n and not to forget the synchronization involved is what astonishes me more than anything else. For me the obj of going was simply confined to breaking out of the mundane schedule . I come back with a running nose a scratchy throat n realization of the fact that i have forgotten even the lil bit garba that i knew but i have no regrets abt this one!! Moreover after having sleep walked thru another "soporific" session of IQMS, all this felt like a gr8 relief!Well off late i have been accused by some very close friends of holding myself back when it comes to enjoying n this is a perfect ans to all their allegations.So all i say is "The spirit is alive n so am I."

Those little angels

2005-06-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

When the patches seem rough
and the days do not go by
when the mundaness of life takes u by
when u question your existence
and the belief in your own self
those little angels come by and render help.

To allay your fears and bring a smile to your face
and to remind you that life is one whole big race
that all is not lost with a fight not won
cause there are bigger battles that await your turn
when hope is non-existent and your soul feels despair
those little angels come by and share.

To listen patiently to every word u say
to drive all your uncertainties away
to wipe the tears off your face
and try to provide u all the solace
to help u attain all the inner strength
those little angels show a path with rays that lambent.

To give a hand when u need it the most
and help u attain glories about which u can boast
to help reaffirm all your faith
and get rid of anger and all the hate
to make u believe that u are not vain
god sends the little angels to save u from pain.

India's paradox

2005-06-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

India is a socialist democratic republican country. This sentence seems to be clearly etched out on my mind as if written on a board with ink that would never go off. I am not sure whether I should be thankful to my schooling for the same or not. It taught me something which every other civics class teaches a student. MUNDANE is what I call it and more than that sad maybe because we are never taught to question what is laid in front of us. It is just like a box of sweets which is gulped down and we never think of the calories that come with it and the end being another breed of citizens who have done nothing but have added to another layer of fat to the already existing obese society.

If I think about each word of the sentence individually I am reminded of a completely paradoxical situation existing in the country complementing it. We live in a democracy so we have the liberty of thought and action. But ours is a country with a soaring population of over a billion people. Does the bureaucracy and corruption driven economy enable each individual to exercise this right is something to be thought about. So the right which all and one would love to exercise is non-existent. Secularism should now I feel be taken off every legal document which professes the country to be one. The only reason being the society not mature enough to unshackle itself from the imaginary chains of caste creed and religion. The reservation which exists in every other sphere of life (if I may say so) is so much a part of our system that we have forgotten that we profess to be secular and more than that forgotten to question why we do so when we still exhibit inhibitions about accepting a bunch of our own people a part of us. Somehow the rosy features of nationalism seem to vanish from this scenario at least. An SE/ST candidate makes it to the IAS merit list or an IIT merit list or any other list in the country despite lesser marks coz in our country we have seats reserved for creatures that belong to this lot!!! If marks be the only criteria to judge an individual's capability why is the case different here?? It is like forcing people to exhibit a sense of socialism for letting them compete with the best in every place(by sacrificing their own place) just because a zillion ages ago they
were suppressed.(Maybe u could hear about bull shit like that only in our country!!)
My college preaches a motto which is very simple for them to comprehend (not to me though.) "Each person one job" so if a less paying company places u, a guy with 60% marks may make it to a bigger firm because he/she need not face the threat from people like u as far as getting the job goes. In short the philosophy liked by every common educated and self esteemed individual in this country would want to have is non-existent and the most loathed policies still exist to bite our ass off. Coming to the word republic - A political system governed by the people or their representatives. We have something called adult franchise to do that but how most people in the country are not judicious enough to make the correct choice...If the choice was judicious may the government would not have had a zillion officials which it does today. The country which boasts of the biggest slum in the world and a downtrodden mass of people battling poverty and illiteracy is maybe not competent enough to appoint people coz it can be lured to cast votes for any dingy leader who promises basic amenities like food or water or electricity.

These were a mere few and broad examples to prove my point and maybe our constitution houses hundreds of such words which resonate with clamor. As we still battle to exist with these paradoxical situations I hope schools teach students to question more and have the conviction to think and not just accept what is served to them on a platter called a teaching period. I hope every individual feels the urge to raise his voice against situations like this. Hope we can extricate ourselves from the shackles of these words before we cease to live....

Kissa kursi ka

2005-06-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

As i was conversing with a few ppl arnd in the office i had the urge to put this story down on paper..well the story goes somethin like this.... actually i am thinkin of so many things at this point of time that i feel my representation may be a little botched up but as the sayin goes-"somethin is better than nothing" so a story i guess is better than none!!
well this is one of the very days when i am feeling low. blues!! as one fondly calls them is a very regular phenomena(feeling?) infact a part and parcel of the industry i am in...so i have sort of become immune to it. but thank heavens today is not one of those very bad days (or regular shud i say!!). though i am not beaming with joy i am not feelin the blues 2 !so the low here signifies sitting on one of the very low chairs of the office which almost gives u a feelin like that of a baby monkey tryin to climb a tree but the only diff is that i like to call myself a human being(amateur programmer) and i am only strugglin hard to sit in a comfortable position to code instead of climb for fun!!
well the company i work in is a cmm-level 5 company!! now that makes me wonder abt these standards!! hope it is not 20 ppl trying to accomadate themselves in 5chairs.. so u end up playin the musical chair all thetime!! t alk abt entertainment as a part of work! u will never have to use the slogan-"all work and no play makes jack a dull boy!" so chair or no chair.. excitment is guaranteed as a part of the standards even though working conditions may not be!till i was a part of this place i always thought gold/silver is precious but it just so happens that the chair seems to be take its place here!a minute off ur chair and u find urself place less and in the given situation u might be giving 2nd thoughts abt going to the loo :-) but if ur neighbour is cooperative he/she might as well offer to guard ur chair!! talk abt policing being ominipresent.... and this is one of the very situations. since i have spoken abt entertainment and policing there are more funny stories..u have ppl putting their names on chairs( with plastic sticker 2) so that the "criminal" may get caught asap.. but think abt this when the security guard(the actual guy responsibe for policing!!) takes the chair and ships it off to another wing.. u have females shouting in fury and then u forget whether it is an organization or a fish market..well so the sticker putting may not sound that bad if u are the victim of that situation!! and yes in many govt offices (relatives tell me) ppl used to tie their chairs to prevent them frm being "stolen".. :-)
this always reminds of coll. the chairs and the tables are nailed together so no one can seperate them!!they are like body and soul but the apathy in the office is that nobody likes to take ur table but yes they would love to grab ur chair!!
so if u thought only politicians were very hung up abt their chairs come to this place, u'll realize the importance of the chair...

First drizzle in the city

2005-06-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

As clapton fills my ears with the music i have not heard for some time now (and i definitely seem to enjoy it )i take a recap of the last few hrs of my day.....it has been quite some yrs since i stopped being stubborn abt getting drenched in the rain. it is maybe one of those very odd pleasures (or atleast i believe it to be one ) which i have been to taught to abstain frm..today was one of those very odd days when i was reminded of my childhood days of being stubborn to go out and play in the rain..and more than the rain it was the aroma of the sand with tiny droplets of water seeming to satiate evry little soul and the dusky sky , and the cool wind blowing past my face.... as the tiny drops of water stimulated every sensibility of mine( though it felt like piercing needles ,it still made me feel good for reasons unknown to me ), i experienced the exhilaration of existence.... as i drove down my machine back home and sang "father's eyes" on the way, i enjoyed the pleasure of being.. it is hard to think of 2 many things which make u feel alive and a part of a bigger something.. this has been one of the very feelings which i have longed for experiencing (atleast in sometime now..)... and who said an adventure sport was always necessary to get u ticking.... it was one of the days when i experienced the joy of existence as it drove the mundaness of evrday far away and made me feel happy for no big reason...